Bill Frist, M.D., whining at his blog about Harry Reid’s secret bitching ceremony (Frist was the guest of honor):
One moment, we were talking about finally acting to get our deficit under control. The next: closed doors. Zipped lips. No C-Span. Everything secret.
That’s right. After five years of ballooning deficits, the Senate was finally about to do something about that pesky budget; and whaddya know, those damn Dems shutdown the Senate. Shit. What are the odds? An event like this isn’t expected to happen again for another twenty years. Now we’ll never get a balanced budget! That Harry Reid sure knows how to mis-time his stunts. If only he had done this a day later. We would have had a balanced budget, and our grandchildren’s future would have been secure. Now it’s Raman and Spam for the next fifty years…all thanks to those meddling Dems.
And no C-Span?? Holy shit. Talk about your end of worlds. I once lost ESPN for a whole afternoon during the Lumberjack Olympics and I’ve never spoken to my mom since. But C-SPAN; that’s a whole other ballpark. That’s like losing all your public access stations and your PBS. That’s serious business. And no wonder Frist was upset. An ego like his needs constant satellite projection, or risk having a total mental blow-out. There’s a lot of pressure building up in there and if he isn’t able to release it on a nationwide scale every ten minutes, we could lose the Capitol building all together.
He ended his post with this promise:
So ... When Harry Reid and his colleagues are done pouting behind closed doors, my door will be OPEN. Open to talk about how we're going to secure our borders; open to talk about filling the vacancy on the Supreme Court; open to talking about ending wasteful Washington spending and restoring fiscal discipline to our government. Open to DOING THE JOB THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED US TO DO.
Well it’s about fucking time. I always thought they were in Washington to put the squeeze on corporate lobbyists and Indian tribes. But lo and behold, they actually do intend to do something about our problems. Hoorah! Hoorah! Bill Frist is open to talk about them. They just need to wait for Harry Reid to stop pouting, and they’ll finally get to the business of talking. If only they had told us sooner; we could have started talking weeks ago! And with any luck, they might actually start moving to do something, in another five or six years. I guess the Spaman future isn’t quite as bleak as I thought.
I’d be negligent to leave out Fristy’s excellent Chinese proverb:
"The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out."
Of course, the whole Secret Rule 21 thing really was a pretty good idea. And this wasn’t a first strike, but rather one more skirmish in an ongoing battle. And this idea seems to have served its purpose and left the Repubs totally flat-footed and resorting to the very insults they imagine were flung at them. But whatever. It’s Chinese, so you have to give Bill some style points for that one. I would have been damned impressed had he delivered it in the original Chinese, but I think its enough that he ate the cookie afterwards. You’re a good boy, Frist. Maybe we’ll make you President yet.
P.S. Is there really any chance that Frist wrote that? For god’s sake I hope not.